Depression

Webster’s Dictionary calls it “(1) : a state of feeling sad (2) : a psychoneurotic or psychotic disorder marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal tendencies”

A counseling/psychologist center describes it: “Depression is a very serious illness that attacks both the mind and the body. Depression can result in very serious impairment in work, social, and bodily functioning. It frequently is manifested in a multitude of physical symptoms, thoughts and moods. It affects the way you eat, sleep, and the way you feel about yourself. Depression is not a sign of personal weakness or a condition that can be “willed away“. You cannot “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” and cause depression to go away. In most people however, depression can be treated successfully. Current research indicates that approximately 80% to 90% of individuals with depression can be successfully treated within one year of initiating treatment.”


I just call it MY LIFE. I have struggled as long as I can remember with feelings like this. I only found a name for it about a year ago. It is more severe at times than others, but its always there.

I wish more people discussed depression… in normal conversation. I wish it wasn’t something that was hidden in the shadows, talked about in hushed, embarrassed tones, or made light of as a joke. It’s an illness… like diabetes or cancer. It’s something that requires help including prayer, doctors/other professionals trained in this specific illness and for some, medicinal intervention.

So many people who are facing depression are ashamed and do not get the help they so badly need. Whereas others, like myself, are getting help but so exhausted… from trying to function without letting others see me struggle… from battling the negative thoughts… from going back and forth in my own head about what is “true”… from knowing the things I am thinking are making no sense but tired of trying to understand…

When I am caught in the throes of a “bad night”- it can be too hard to fight it. It’s easier to sink into the dark feelings and believe the negative… that I am a failure at everything so why bother? Life is like treading water in the middle of a frigid ocean... In the bad times, I just stop kicking and let it pull me down.

But nothing worth having is easy. I acknowledge at times that I have a lot to be grateful for. I can admit at times that these feelings are lies and can see the truth, like a glimpse of sun through the clouds. Somehow I cling to those glimpses like a life jacket and rise to tread water again.

Admitting is healing for me… talking about my disorder is one way to move past the lies that I face daily and find truth. Going to counseling and taking my meds as needed helps me to find the strength to fight for the glimpses... in the hope that
eventually the waves will cease and one day I will find the shore to stand on.

Praying for peace and continued healing for myself and all those who are sinking- especially those who have not,or feel they cannot reach out for help.